I can't believe the turn my life has taken. The changes are subtle, but the toll they have taken is astounding to me each and every day.
Due to those pesky double X-chromosomes, my brain has been working overtime lately trying to dissect what I am feeling toward a certain someone that I happen to be familiar with. Part of me wants to embrace those warm fuzzy insects fluttering inside of my abdominal region, while another part of me wants to push him as far away from my mind as possible. I honestly do not believe that it is healthy to dwell on matters of the heart when there are so many factors preventing two people from being together. Thinking about it just gives me a headache and makes me sad, so for now, I think it's best to just not deal with it at all.
It's harder than I once believed to be friends with someone that I care about. And this doesn't feel the usual "fuck and run" type of thing anymore. I genuinely care about his well-being and the things he is interested in. I want to hear about the things he does, and I want to know his opinions on serious topics.
We are particularly good at being together and not even having to talk to each other. Just being in the same room is enough. The sex being awesome definitely helps, but it's not the first thing I like about him. He has so many profound things to say, and there is still so much that I can/want to learn from him.
Oh for the love of god and all that is holy. I just need to stop talking.
/sigh.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Those damn pomgranates.
And so it begins.
My life is a spiraling, swirling votex of chaos. Nothing is fixed, and every day is unplanned; a blank canvas. Despite this fact, my inconsequencial existance is completely and utterly dull. It is rare that I actually have plans, and when I do they are generally trips to quilt and craft fairs with my aunt. I do realize that chaos and dullness are rather contradictory, but that just furthers my point about the unpredictability of my life.
Do not, however, confuse the absesnce of constant stimulation with utter boredom. The hermetic lifestyle is one that doesn't work for many people, but I find it incredibly gratifying. I enjoy my solitude, and when my solitude is disturbed, I tend to be short and agitated. Occasionally I go through phases in which I require constant companionship, which tends to get me into trouble. Most of my friends are male (because the drama that females bring with them tends to get old VERY quickly) and I have very little self control. As a result, I have only a few boy-friends that I haven't "fooled around" with. I am not proud of this fact, but neither am I ashamed of it. It's just the way my life goes, and I don't plan on making changes any time soon.
Although I may be well-educated in the ways of the world (if you know what I mean), I have been in very few relationships. I am not upset by this; the few relationships that I have been a part of ended at the perfect time.
I am very bad at committment. I lust after someone I find attractive, and as soon as we begin dating, I lose interest almost immediately after. I am what many have deemed a "heartbreaker." THIS I am not proud of. I do not intend to make people feel small or unwanted, and I feel genuine sorrow when I discover that I have made someone to feel this way.
I am an English major, and this becomes evident in my vehement disdain for poor grammar. I have been told that I am intimidating, due to the fact that I toss around words that I find in books. I don't consider it intimidation; I simply get my kicks from being smart and I happen to enjoy that fact that I am well-educated.
My life is a spiraling, swirling votex of chaos. Nothing is fixed, and every day is unplanned; a blank canvas. Despite this fact, my inconsequencial existance is completely and utterly dull. It is rare that I actually have plans, and when I do they are generally trips to quilt and craft fairs with my aunt. I do realize that chaos and dullness are rather contradictory, but that just furthers my point about the unpredictability of my life.
Do not, however, confuse the absesnce of constant stimulation with utter boredom. The hermetic lifestyle is one that doesn't work for many people, but I find it incredibly gratifying. I enjoy my solitude, and when my solitude is disturbed, I tend to be short and agitated. Occasionally I go through phases in which I require constant companionship, which tends to get me into trouble. Most of my friends are male (because the drama that females bring with them tends to get old VERY quickly) and I have very little self control. As a result, I have only a few boy-friends that I haven't "fooled around" with. I am not proud of this fact, but neither am I ashamed of it. It's just the way my life goes, and I don't plan on making changes any time soon.
Although I may be well-educated in the ways of the world (if you know what I mean), I have been in very few relationships. I am not upset by this; the few relationships that I have been a part of ended at the perfect time.
I am very bad at committment. I lust after someone I find attractive, and as soon as we begin dating, I lose interest almost immediately after. I am what many have deemed a "heartbreaker." THIS I am not proud of. I do not intend to make people feel small or unwanted, and I feel genuine sorrow when I discover that I have made someone to feel this way.
I am an English major, and this becomes evident in my vehement disdain for poor grammar. I have been told that I am intimidating, due to the fact that I toss around words that I find in books. I don't consider it intimidation; I simply get my kicks from being smart and I happen to enjoy that fact that I am well-educated.
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